Ash Writes a Fan Fiction
by ArceusGPG
Summary: Ash has decided to write a fan fiction. I mean, how hard could it be? Rated M because this story is plain offensive.


While frying up some crispy chicken, Brock couldn't help but notice Ash, hunched over his laptop, grinning like a fool.

"Dafuq dis mofo doin'?" Brock asked, turning to Misty for a clear and distinct answer.

"Oh, I'm a female character written by a male, so I have no opinions," she noted while still holding her Barbie smile.

Brock shook his head, his giant fro shaking with every neck movement. "His Jewish ass betta not be readin' no _books_," he growled, flexing his athletic weight-lifting muscles. He rhythmically walked over to the little Pokémon Master wannabe.

"Ash, you agnostic piece of shit, da hell you think yo' doin'?"

Ash and his Pikachu looked up from the computer to see Brock walking toward them. Since Pikachu's a racist, he gasped and tried to roll up the windows, but realized too late he wasn't inside a car. His master was a bit more friendly to those without eyeballs, so he greeted him as he would any other burden on society.

"Hey, Brock, what's up?"

"Yo' test scores, if you start readin'. Better not think you're important or something just 'cuz you white."

Ash laughed, pushing away the idea with a wave of his hand.

"Don't be silly, Brock. Jewish people can't even read the other half of the Bible."

Misty skipped over and was about to interrupt the conversation, but remembered her place as a woman. So instead of making the working men some sandwiches (like she should have), she sat on a tree stump and pretended she needed rescuing from large bugs.

"Wachoo doin' then? Watchin' porn?"

"Nope," Ash answered, beaming from ear to ear. "I'm writing a fan fiction."

The whole world stopped what it was doing. A record scratched in the background.

"Yeah, a fan fiction," he repeated, not realizing how incredibly strange the situation was. "It's where you make up a story without the creator's permission and publish it as if it's your own work."

He pointed to his cheap computer screen excitedly.

"Look, see? I'm writing a story where Jessie and James fall in love and make a beautiful baby boy. But then Meowth gets jealous and kills it."

A single tear came out of his eye. "Oh, it's gonna be _beautiful_. And you're in it, Brock."

Brock's eyes began twitching since he didn't have enough time to develop bronchitis. He put on of his hands on his hip and gave Ash his best 90's z-snap.

"Aw _hell _no. Don you be talkin' shit 'bout me in yo' god_damn_ novels."

Misty tried to imitate Brock's 'tude, but was bitch-slapped the shit out of by the b-rock. That's okay though, because she was a red-head and they're supposed to be beaten. You have to keep those soulless carcasses in line.

Pikachu plucked up the courage to look at the Jinx-looking freak of nature. Since he could only relate to other ugly yellow creatures, Ash was the only one he could understand. What Pikachu saw though, was worse than he could have imagined. He looked like a normal person... but darker. That shit was scary.

Ash tried to reason with the jungle-born man, but apparently the brute didn't get enough education in the inner city to be able to listen to logic.

"Look, it's gonna be awesome, you'll see. I won't make you gay or anything."

Suddenly James' head popped out of the ground, right in front of the Jewish boy. "Did someone call me?"

Misty put a finger on her chin, as if in thought. "This was queer timing, wasn't it?"

Brock punched her in the face.

"Oh no!" Ash gasped, this time with sincerity. He definitely wasn't reading a script when he gasped and spoke those words. "It's Team Rocket!"

Jessie's head appeared next to James', almost looking like an incomplete Dugtrio. "We were going to say a motto, but all of them suck anyway. Besides, we're not interested in stealing your Pikachu anymore."

"Why?" Ash asked, suddenly very confused.

The two of them laughed as if he had just said that black people could avoid going to jail.

"It's because it's not worth it," James said casually. "You won't even give up a rat. If you're going to be so cheap, we might as well not even try."

"Good," Ash said, turning his gaze back to his beloved computer. "Then leave me alone so I can write a story about you two having sex."

"Hold on a minute!" Jessie shouted, suddenly interested in whatever he was doing. She tore through the earth like a Chinese miner and turned to look at the computer screen as well. "I happen to be a practicing lesbian so I don't approve of you pairing me with him."

"Too bad," Ash teased, sticking his tongue out. "I'm writing all about how you enjoy it too."

"Hold on, you're a practicing lesbian?" Misty asked, very confused. "So if you're practicing, when are you going to do the real thing?"

Brock gave her two chops to the throat. She went down faster than a kamikaze pilot after dishonoring his famiry. See, that's a joke because it assumes that all stupid Japanese people are men.

"Well, then," James began, while crawling out of the dirt. "Who's the other woman?"

Jessie's mouth curled into a smile. "Why, Meowth, of course."

The background music stopped for a while. James had a look of horror on his face, the same one Hitler had after being told that Ash had survived, despite his efforts.

"But... Meowth is a... male cat..."

Jessie waggled her finger. "Apparently you've never checked."

Without ever looking up from his story, Ash pointed to Pikachu and said, "Uh, Pikachu's already checked and he's says that your cat's a guy."

Brock looked around, confused because of the school system that "never taught him shit".

"Know what? Fuck dis shit. I gonna eat som' _picnic _food."

Grabbing a giant slice of stolen watermelon and a jug of purple Kool-aid, he began eating his gubment cheese. Misty regained consciousness and joined him, making sure to only eat her "female portion".

Jessie was speechless. Her jaw dropped down to her delicious breasts in horror. "No... no... it's not even possible."

Ash giggled. "Look!" he called to no one in particular. "Now Brock's about to walk into the sex scene! The drama! The hot-blooded excitement!"

"Take that back!" Jessie screeched, suddenly woken from her brief comatose state. She ran to find the nearest rock to throw at him.

Ash was prepared. "Pikachu! Use Thunderbolt!"

Because of the evil Jewish oppression, Pikachu had to comply. A bolt of lightning fell from the sky, crashing down on the ugly lesbian. That's okay though, because she's a criminal and criminals deserve whatever bad things happen to them. Everyone knows they're barely human.

Just before the inevitable fibrillation, she was able to throw the rock in her hand. Her aim was lousy because she's (mostly) a female, so she ended up hitting the computer instead.

Brock was instantly woken up from his dreams of independent black women (even though he's always loved white women more because they're better). When he saw that there was some vandalism going on, he picked up a rock and threw it too.

The second rock, since it was thrown by a black person, absolutely destroyed the computer.

"Nooo! The irony!" Ash screamed, suddenly remembering what it's like to stone people because of religious differences. He desperately tried to hold the Wal-mart computer together, but it, like the work of a Mexican, was shitty.

James sighed. "Well, at least we don't have to worry about our online reputation now."

Ash began throwing a temper-tantrum. "But this was going to get triple-digit reviews! I was even ready to incorrectly place this anime-centric story in the "games" category too!"

"You monster!" Misty screamed.

James turned to the audience, clearly staring straight into the souls of all of those reading this sentence. "Good thing that story was destroyed. There's nothing I can't stand more than a purposely offensive story."

Ash pulled out a gun and shot himself, only slightly making up for the fact that he and his people killed Jesus.

A few moments later, Meowth crawled out of the ground. "'ey! Whad I miss?"

**Author's Note: This is why we can't have nice things. It's people like me that ruin society with my intolerance of other cultures. I'm ashamed of my privileged white ass.**


End file.
